the12thpoet

2005-09-27T13:59:00.000-07:00

(Note: All the posts in this blog are written by Joyce Aronce Dayrit.)

Dedications…

Words are coming from the HEART…
Not form the brain.
Every WRITER has someone to write about.
Someone who INSPIRES, someone who makes the PEN
Scribble even late at night..
Every ARTIST has someone in mind,
Who turns useless PAINT and senseless CANVASS into a work of ART..
A song would never be worthy to be called one if it wouldn’t be sung for a SPECIAL someone.
A poem would never be worthy of a rhyme if it wasn’t for a person tying the words together.
Now, this COMPILATION isn’t for a single person.
It’s for a couple of people who’ve TOUCHED me.
Who left a MARK in my life.
These are 12 TRUE stories for TRUE people.
Come… read.

2005-09-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

Simply Dense

I’ve NOTICED something… PROMISE…
Something THAT makes ME scream
AT the TOP of MY lungs, FOR goodness’ SAKE…
Something SO irritating
I’M amazed I still KNOW how
TO spell MY name…
WHAT is IT? Well, IT’S kind OF
Abstract TO define IT… physically…
AND it MAY imply SO many MEANINGS depending
UPON the SUBJECT…
I actually HAVE it… EVEN if IT’S a
SHAME to TELL the WORLD, but,
WHAT can I do? I just CAN’T choose WHAT
My HEART asks ME to DO, right?
AND it PUSHES to DO it…
IT keeps ON tellin’ ME to DO it…
IT helps ME to BECOME the GREATEST…
Greatest IDIOT of ALL time…
OUCH… Imagine HOW I, the INTELLIGENT,
The TALENTED, the DEEP me WAS caught
IN that STUPID trap…
OH, well… WHERE’S the GENIOUS now?
WHERE’S all THE knowledge?
WHERE are ALL the REASONS?
Where IS the PROUD logic?
DAMN. They’re ALL gone. GONE.
What MADE them? JUST one MAN.
Yes, ONE shallow MAN.
And ALL was HISTORY…
If HE only KNEW…
How MY heart SHATTERS just AT the
MERE mention OF his ANNOYING name…
IF he ONLY knew…
HOW the BROKEN pieces ARE
Brought TOGETHER just AS
He PASS by…
DOES he HAVE an IDEA that
EVERYDAY all I do IS cry?
DOES he KNOW that I’VE cursed MYSELF
For A million TIMES for NOT
Forgetting HIM until NOW?!
Is HE aware THAT I’m ABOUT to
LOSE my SANITY everytime I close
MY eyes AND all I see IS his FACE?
Does HE even CARE?! Ha! AS if!
HE’S so SHALLOW to KNOW that…
BUT, wait, HOW about ME?
What CAN you CALL me? I know THE
Stupid THINGS he DOES but I still
LOVE him?!?
AHH… what’s THE superlative TENSE
Of SHALLOW anyway?
WHATEVER it IS, it’s WORSE than THAT…
I’m SIMPLY nothing…
BUT, dense…

_the12thpoet_

2005-09-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

Reality’s A Fake

If anyone tells you that what you sow, you’ll reap… slap him hard in the face. Coz if that was true, then everything that’s happening is deserved…

You deserve to be hated when you tried your best to be fair, honest.. You deserve to feel miserable when all you wanted is for others to be happy.. You deserve to suffer when you’re willing to give your life to someone who needs it.. And you deserve to cry when all you wanted is to end others’ pain…

The mirror doesn’t show you what you really look like.. because it only depends upon what your eyes are seeing. You won’t know how others view you- if you look good or if you look bad. You always are biased- only considering your perspective, your views, your opinion.. And this will make your reflection look back at you with the same expression as yours…

You tend to flash your brightest smile when you are feeling so down. You sing as many songs as your throat permits, when your heart is always exploding with emotions. You go out with friends- be noisy, active, and spirited- when your soul is hanging on a thread for its dear life. You boast about your belongings, letting anyone know how blessed you are- when deep inside you, a thin line separates giving up and holding on…

You force yourself to love someone when your loved one turned you down. You have to show him that it’s his loss and you are unaffected. You pretend to be thrilled when someone proposed his feelings. Yet, at the back of your mind, you wish that he’ll just disappear and never bother you again…

If someone told you to go to the left, it means you have to go to the right. If he said it was easy, then it was difficult. If she said you can make it, then you better quit. If they said it ends happily, then it was tragic…

Now, hear me: everything we sow, we will reap. I deserve to be hated, to feel miserable, to suffer and to cry. The mirror shows me what I want to see. That’s why I always smile and I sing a million songs a day. I go out with friends, I enjoy. I’m proud and contented with what I have. I am loving him who loves. It was not my loss and I am unaffected. I am thrilled when someone declares his feelings. A am pointing to my left and convincing you that it was easy. I’m encouraging you to continue because I believe that you can make it. And I will keep on reminding you that every fairy tale ends with this line, “And they live happily ever after”…

Life’s a fraud. And everyone’s a hoax. Hypocrisy is the name of the game.

_the12thpoet_

2005-09-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

Out of Words

I didn’t cry. At least an improvement. For once, I didn’t suppress the emotion. . It’s just not there.. I thought I was just being hypothetical when I said that I’m getting numb, coz at that time, I was not. But now, I guess it’s not an exaggeration after all.
The pressure is hard to handle. But I can’t believe why I’m not panicking yet. I am not terrified. Even if it feels like I’m in an hour glass. Deadlines are everywhere. Time is running out.
The world does not only revolve around “him.” Oh yes, my life’s broad enough to focus only to one person. But somehow he weighs at least one-half of my load. He himself is a little world. My I call it a blessing? May I call it a curse? I don’t know if I should be happy that among 6 billion people in the world, it was him that I met. And it’s more than just meeting him. It’s being trapped in a cage that only he can unlock.
And I am sensing that it will be locked forever. I have less than two months to retrieve the key. But, does it still exist? Hadn’t he buried it or thrown it anywhere> or maybe he hid it? Does he plan of getting it back? Will he free me?!
I know I must ask him. Beg him, if that’s the best way. Beg him to extend the period. Or if he can’t, beg him to unlock the lock.
And if he agreed to do that, I know my life will never be the same.
It’s the most tragic thing he’ll ever do to me.
And I can’t utter even a single word to prevent him…

_the12thpoet_

2005-09-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

Bolgeym

Pers Kwarter
Wow. dami naman ng players… pero konti lang kilala ko.
Puro Green Team, mangilan-ngilang Red Team.
Makipagkilala kaya ako?!
Saka na lang.. marami pa namang oras..
On the third minute, may nakilala akong player
from the Yellow Team. Haha.. nakakatuwa naman sya..
Ang galing niyang maglaro.. Nai-inspire tuloy akong manood.
Sobrang dami nyang na-shoot nung 3rd minute.
Walangya. Tinambakan ang kalaban. Nakaka-amaze.
Nangalahati na yung 1st kwarter, napagod ata sya.
Di na sya gumawa. Buti na lang malaki ang lamang.

Sekon Kwarter

Hala. Dami ko ng nakilalang ibang players. Yung iba visitors pa.. Nakaka-overwhelm naman.
Musta na kaya si MVP? Medyo tumahimik sya..
Pero kahit papaano, nagpaparamdam pa rin.
Nakakainis! Sya lang ang inaabangan ko eh!
Sana lagi syang ipasok…
Ayun! Pinasok na sya! Walangya, technical foul!!!
Bakit? Dumugo ba?! Bad trip naman oh, wag nyong sabihing ma-eeject sya? Pero sa bagay, deserve nya. Masyado syang mayabang. Kala mo kung sino. Pasalamat sya cute sya. Wahaha!
O, foul na naman? Nakailan na yan?! Baka masayang
lahat ng ginawa nya. Ayan, pinaupo muna sya sa bench.
Next quarter na siguro ulit sya ipapasok.

Terd Kwarter

Wow! ang saya ng game. Pasok na ulit si MVP..
Kaya lang, di sya nakaka-shoot. Anyway, sya naman ang nagke-create ng spark. =) Pag hawak nya ang bola nagiging exciting ang laro. Pati ibang tao, nagiging into it! Diba, sosyal!!
Lalo akong nagbibilib sa kanya, kahit na maangas ang tanga…
May something sa kanya eh..di ko maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. Parang sya lang ang taong nakikita ko sa court.
Langya, foul trouble na sya! “Hello, are you drugs?! Bahala ka nga..”
Nangalahati na ang kwarter. Bat di nagbabago ang skor?
Lamang pa rin team ni MVP.. ay, Red Team na pala sya ngayon.
Grabe, sumasakit na ang puso ko.. sobrang cardiac
bolgeym na to.
Dun nga ako sa malapit sa bench, para makita ko ng malapitan
si MVP…. Nakaka-tense naman dito! Parang kinakabahan lalo ako! Masyadong matindi ang effect.. dahil ba malapit ako sa kanya?! Ganun ba un?!
Naalala ko, kanina pa pala ako nauuhaw… Wait a minute!!!
Nakaupo na pala sa harap ko si MVP! Huwat?! Kaka-conscious naman.. tumitingin pa naman sya sa likod. Iyyy…
Ay! Biglang may tumawag sa kin? Hala, nakatingin si MVP.. Sya ba un?parang hindi.. pero parang nafi-feel ko na oo..
Last two minutes na lang, ang gulo nya sa loob ng court!
Di mapakali..Bakit kahit nasa court sya tumitingin pa rin sya dito?! Walangya, natutuwa na naman ako…
Huh? Foul na naman?! Fouled out na sya?!? Walangya, ilang seconds na lang? 4, 3, 2, 1.
Tapos na 3rd kwarter. Mabuti sana kung tapos na rin ang game.. pero may isang kwarter pa eh.. Bat naman sya nagpa-foul out?
Wala na, wala na kong gana..
Di ko na ata tatapusin ang game..
Uuwi na ko…

_the 12th poet_

2005-09-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

Pure Disguise

Can’t stop the rain from falling or even calm the ocean…
I’m only human, as weak as everyone else.
But I am different, because I wanted to be different..
It’s as if I’m wearing a mask- to cover my face,
To hide my personality…
Coz I can’t let them see the real me… I can’t let HIM..
I can’t understand why it happens.. why loving someone
Brings so much pain.. why loving someone feels like killing
Yourself. It’s amazing how we tend to ignore
Those who love us and keep on running after those
who are hiding from us.. We make ourselves look stupid
when we didn’t do anything.. then we won’t win anything..
I am trying to clear my head, to be practical and just
Settle on who’s available…to just see who’s in front of
Me and not look on anyone else..to love him who
Cares for me, who will give anything to me, who will
Love me for who I am.. but I just can’t..
My head always turn on the other directionm my eyes
Search opposite ways.. my heart craves for someone else..
Someone who’s nowhere in sight, someone who
Pretends that I do not exist, someone so stupid
He kept on ignoring me.. but I don’t have much of a
Choice.. I don’t want to be selfish to love him who
Loves me just because the one that I love
Doesn’t love me back.. I don’t want to be unfair, I don’t
Want to hurt someone else’s feelings.. because it HURTS..
It hurts so much I’m afraid they can’t handle it the way
I do.. because they are still amateurs, and I am a
Professional.. I’m almost numb, I almost laugh when somebody
Hurt me again.. but I am not a bad person, I won’t revenge,
I won’t do harm to anybody who doesn’t have a fault,
Who didn’t do anything to make me feel hell..
I am good. Yes I am. That’s why I cannot love him, no matter
What he does.. I just can’t.. because I don’t want to be
Eating my own words. I don’t want to be loved by
Someone just because the one that he loves doesn’t
love him back. I want equality. Justice. So that people
won’t have anything to say to complain.. because I hate it
when people tell me things that I should do or comment
on whatever I did. I owe them nothing so I better not
care about a thing that they say.
Hey. I’m just me. Let me be me. For myself…

_the12thpoet_

2005-09-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Lies

Day 1
Hey, wazup? got nothin’ to do.. r u 2 bc 2 txt me?
Ah, not much… jst nid 2 finish my reports..
Oh, ok.. sori 4 askin’. I jst miz u so much, u c?
Ummm.. tnx. but, can I col u sam ader tym? I jst hav 2 make a col.
Oh sure.. i’ll be w8ing. If u hav tym, jst bip me..

Day 2
A was coling @ ur haws, no 1s answering.
Yeah, I was not home.. got 2 c a frend.
Oic. hu was he, or was it a she?!
He’s a boy. My buddy sins hi skul..
So,. wer’d u go? did u hav a gud tym?
Quite.. w8, der’s sam1 at d door.. col u l8r.

Day 3
I’ve w8ed til evening, u sed u’ll col me..
Sori, I had a visitor.. cnt jst push her away..
Her? May I knw her name?
U dnt hav 2, she’s jst a family frend.
Ryt.. so, cn we go out or samthing?
Umm.. I’ve got things 2 do.. besides, nobody’s home, I nid 2 stay.
Is dat so? wat about me goin der? Let’s jst watch movies or whatever..
Wat? U cnt.. its.. umm.. dirty hir…
I thot so. sori 4 dat s2pid idea..

Day 4
I’ve bin lukin’ 4 u @ skul.. I haven’t sin u 4 a wyl..
I went home erly, I nid 2 buy samthing 4 my mom.
Wat bout 2morow? Wat tym wil u b dismissed?
I’m not sure.. we may b havin practis 4 d games after clas.
And d day after dat?
I hav tons of exams..
Ah, r u fri on 2012? After 10 yirs, perhaps?!?

Day 5
I watched ur game, u wer so0o0 gud..
Rili? Tnx. jst practiced enaf..
It’s worth it, ryt?.. I was serchin 4 u 2 congra2l8 u, bt I ges I missed u..
My frends ivited me 2 d victory party..
Oh, did u enjoy?
Yeah, we’re ol boys..
Rili? How cam tara was der?

Day 6
How was ur day? Was it fun?
It was boring.. nuthin unusual hapend.
U sed ul go hir, y ddnt u?
I wasn’t filing wel. Jst locked myself up in my rum..
U ddnt go out? It’a a wikend.
Nope. Jst sat hir n watchd TV.
So, do u hav an identical twin?
WAT?!?
I jst saw u @ d mall.. holding hands wid a girl.. S2PID!!!

_the12thpoet_

2005-08-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

Find Me

I hate numbers.
I always hated numbers.
Coz numbers make my mind
work endlessly.
Numbers use almost all
of my brain cells.
And it’s excruciating.

And also, numbers
remind me of someone.
Someone who’s most unworthy
of being remembered.
Someone that I’d love to
send to the outer space.
Coz even his ABSENCE
tortures me.
And I know it will torture me
forever.
Just the same as the fact
that numbers will haunt
me forever.
They won’t leave me alone.
They’ll bug me to death.

Four days ago, I saw him again.
It’s stupid coz I was not expecting
that time.
For about 3 minutes, I was
paralyzed.
Just like what happened
54 days ago.
He surprised me.
I was not prepared…

I have known him for
34 months now.
34 heart-breaking months.
1,020 draining days.
24,480 irritating hours.
1,468,800 forsaken minutes.
88,128,000 cursed seconds.
How many more will I count?!

But sometimes, even numbers
fail me.
The number of times my heart beats
when I see him can not
be counted.
The number of tears that
flowed in my cheeks
were innumerable.
The nights I spent thinking
of him are countless…

----

Find me someone who’ll teach me
how to forget counting.
Find me someone who’ll teach me
Science instead of Math.
Find me someone who’ll be powerful
enough to replace him.
You know what?
I bet that someone
hasn’t been born yet…

_the12thpoet_

2005-08-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

In Need,,,

Sense… I’m just asking for its sense.
This emptiness that’s inside me
grows everyday…
It darkens my world,
It ruins my concentration,
It clogs my rationality.
I should be mad at you, shouldn’t i?
I should be spitting on your face right now.
I shouldn’t even let you look me in the eye..
But actually, it doesn’t even happen
Coz I’m the one who’s not looking.
I don’t know if I should curse or bless
the moments when I see you.
Coz there’s a battle inside me when you’re present.
My heart leaps but my brain gets hot.
My head turns but my eyes fight back.
I can’t justify this feeling, even to myself.
Is it always my fault?
Am I always the villain?
Why can’t they hate you, why always me?
Why am I the center of attention?!?
I’m confused. I don’t know what to think.
If things ended good between us, would I
Be happy now?
Will I be satisfied?
Will I be able to move on and pretend
that nothing happened at all?
I really can’t understand why
I’m affected this much.
When you’re around, I feel and act stupid,
What do you feel when I’m around?
Are you also tensed? Are you nervous?
Oh, well. Why would you?
You don’t possess human feelings, do you?
I bet you don’t even care.
You never ever cared.
And the thing that I need in the world
is just so plain and simple.
But still, it’s not given to me.
I need someone…who cares…

_the12thpoet_

2005-08-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

,,,uoyyssimI

How are you now? Are you alright?
What time have you slept? Have you eaten your lunch?

Remember what I’m telling you:
Don’t stay up too late. It wouldn’t be good for your condition.
Don’t eat junk foods, ok?! You have to stay healthy.
Don’t drink too much alcohol. I know that’s your weakness.
I wouldn’t want to hear that you’re forgetting your limits
just because you’re away…

Now, what do you do at your spare time?
Do you listen to music? Are CDs good there? Is the FM great?
Ahh, I forgot.. Someone revived the song “Lately.” I don’t
know who the hell that boyband was.
Anyways, are there videokes there?
I bet you can’t wait to flaunt your voice, ei?! Maybe you
sing at restaurants.. How many tissue papers with “You
sing great” have you received? Hahaha..
or maybe you’re joining contests? Ohh, you’re too busy for that.

I saw some good racquets at Olympic Village.
My favorite is a Yonex Titanium. Around P6,000, I guess.
You said you’ll send me one?
Can’t wait for that!

Wait, I got a story to tell.. One time I was riding a jeep.
I was going to school…
Then the song “There’s No Easy Way” was played.
I remembered you.. and how you used to sing it.
I was in a trance, then I realized that my cheeks were
wet with tears..
Then the woman beside me asked if I were ok.
I was speechless,. I didn’t expect to lose myself..

Ei, we have another Marketing Plan to make!
A layout is needed for our building.
I instinctively volunteered, having in mind that you
can do it for us.
Then I remembered that you are not available..
And so I backed out.

Also, our PC’s drive A isn’t working properly.
And you haven’t teach me how to burn, you idiot!
That freakin’ PC has not use to me!
Can you go home and fix it? Pls?!

I love you, bro.
I forgot to say that when you left.
Stupid me…

_the12thpoet_

2005-08-19T00:33:00.000-07:00

I Hate You

I will say this over and over again...
No one's stupider than me.
I'm the dumbest person alive.
Want to know why?
It's all because of you.
Damn you.
I want to hurt you.
Hurt you much.
To have revenge of what you
did to me.
To have my dignity back.
Coz the moment you came
into my life,
You took it all away...
I'll reiterate this,
You have no right.
What the hell.
Who are you anyway?
Who are you to treat me like this?
Who are you to leave
me in this condition?
Who are you to have
my mind and my heart possessed?
****
You don't deserve me.
I'm not worthy of you.
If only I can delete you
from my memory,
I certainly would.
Coz you're a virus in my system.
I can't work normally.
My God.
I don't know why I'm
still hoping.
Damn it, I'm still dreaming.
Wanting to talk to you,
to be with you.
To have you.
The pain you caused me
is incomparable.
But it seems to keep me alive.
What would happen on the day
that you will go?
That cursed day when you're
destined to leave me?
Can I keep my sanity?
Can I still smile?
Can I still live?
****
Will you remember?
Would I stay in your memory?
If there comes a time
that you pass me by,
Would you recognize me?
Would you remember that
once in your life you met me?
Would you still care?
Have you ever cared?!
I didn't expect that
I'll feel this way.
Oh well, I never expected
anything anyway.
I didn't imagine that I'll
desperately do anything.
Anything to make you stay.
But I'm just human.
I have no magical powers.
****
Time is running out,
Oh yes, it is.
If only I can turn back time.
Turn it back three years
form now.
Then I'll destroy the clock.
So the date will not
move anymore.
So I can see you forever.
I am contented with seeing you.
That's all that I'm asking for.

But it's impossible.

I am still loving you.
Shit.
I hate you.

_the12thpoet_

2005-08-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

Tubig... Na Naman

Madilim, malamig..
Sigurado ako, maraming
manunulat ngayon
ang naglipana.
Hawak ang bolpen, tangan
ang kwaderno.
Nakatingin sa malayo,
ayaw paistorbo...

Maraming lamok, nangangagat.
Sira ang payong,
di mabuksan.
Basa ang pantalon,
putikan ang tsinelas.
Nakakairita, bagong
linis pa naman...

Sarap matulog, mahiga.
Tamad mag-aral, gumala..
Nababagot, nagsasawa.
Paulit-ulit ang buhay,
nakakasuka.

Umuulan na naman,
lalong nakakalungkot.
Kasabay ng patak ng ulan,
ang patak ng luha ko.
Pano ba ako makakalimot?!

Kung sanang ang pag-ibig
ay kagaya ng ulan,
Kahit ano'ng mangyari,
may katapusan.
Kung sanang maibebenta
lang ang ulan at luha,
Eh di sana, ang yaman ko na...

_the 12th poet_