Find Me

I hate numbers.
I always hated numbers.
Coz numbers make my mind
work endlessly.
Numbers use almost all
of my brain cells.
And it’s excruciating.

And also, numbers
remind me of someone.
Someone who’s most unworthy
of being remembered.
Someone that I’d love to
send to the outer space.
Coz even his ABSENCE
tortures me.
And I know it will torture me
forever.
Just the same as the fact
that numbers will haunt
me forever.
They won’t leave me alone.
They’ll bug me to death.

Four days ago, I saw him again.
It’s stupid coz I was not expecting
that time.
For about 3 minutes, I was
paralyzed.
Just like what happened
54 days ago.
He surprised me.
I was not prepared…

I have known him for
34 months now.
34 heart-breaking months.
1,020 draining days.
24,480 irritating hours.
1,468,800 forsaken minutes.
88,128,000 cursed seconds.
How many more will I count?!

But sometimes, even numbers
fail me.
The number of times my heart beats
when I see him can not
be counted.
The number of tears that
flowed in my cheeks
were innumerable.
The nights I spent thinking
of him are countless…

----

Find me someone who’ll teach me
how to forget counting.
Find me someone who’ll teach me
Science instead of Math.
Find me someone who’ll be powerful
enough to replace him.
You know what?
I bet that someone
hasn’t been born yet…


_the12thpoet_

In Need,,,

Sense… I’m just asking for its sense.
This emptiness that’s inside me
grows everyday…
It darkens my world,
It ruins my concentration,
It clogs my rationality.
I should be mad at you, shouldn’t i?
I should be spitting on your face right now.
I shouldn’t even let you look me in the eye..
But actually, it doesn’t even happen
Coz I’m the one who’s not looking.
I don’t know if I should curse or bless
the moments when I see you.
Coz there’s a battle inside me when you’re present.
My heart leaps but my brain gets hot.
My head turns but my eyes fight back.
I can’t justify this feeling, even to myself.
Is it always my fault?
Am I always the villain?
Why can’t they hate you, why always me?
Why am I the center of attention?!?
I’m confused. I don’t know what to think.
If things ended good between us, would I
Be happy now?
Will I be satisfied?
Will I be able to move on and pretend
that nothing happened at all?
I really can’t understand why
I’m affected this much.
When you’re around, I feel and act stupid,
What do you feel when I’m around?
Are you also tensed? Are you nervous?
Oh, well. Why would you?
You don’t possess human feelings, do you?
I bet you don’t even care.
You never ever cared.
And the thing that I need in the world
is just so plain and simple.
But still, it’s not given to me.
I need someone…who cares…

_the12thpoet_

,,,uoyyssimI

How are you now? Are you alright?
What time have you slept? Have you eaten your lunch?

Remember what I’m telling you:
Don’t stay up too late. It wouldn’t be good for your condition.
Don’t eat junk foods, ok?! You have to stay healthy.
Don’t drink too much alcohol. I know that’s your weakness.
I wouldn’t want to hear that you’re forgetting your limits
just because you’re away…

Now, what do you do at your spare time?
Do you listen to music? Are CDs good there? Is the FM great?
Ahh, I forgot.. Someone revived the song “Lately.” I don’t
know who the hell that boyband was.
Anyways, are there videokes there?
I bet you can’t wait to flaunt your voice, ei?! Maybe you
sing at restaurants.. How many tissue papers with “You
sing great” have you received? Hahaha..
or maybe you’re joining contests? Ohh, you’re too busy for that.

I saw some good racquets at Olympic Village.
My favorite is a Yonex Titanium. Around P6,000, I guess.
You said you’ll send me one?
Can’t wait for that!

Wait, I got a story to tell.. One time I was riding a jeep.
I was going to school…
Then the song “There’s No Easy Way” was played.
I remembered you.. and how you used to sing it.
I was in a trance, then I realized that my cheeks were
wet with tears..
Then the woman beside me asked if I were ok.
I was speechless,. I didn’t expect to lose myself..

Ei, we have another Marketing Plan to make!
A layout is needed for our building.
I instinctively volunteered, having in mind that you
can do it for us.
Then I remembered that you are not available..
And so I backed out.

Also, our PC’s drive A isn’t working properly.
And you haven’t teach me how to burn, you idiot!
That freakin’ PC has not use to me!
Can you go home and fix it? Pls?!

I love you, bro.
I forgot to say that when you left.
Stupid me…

_the12thpoet_

I Hate You

I will say this over and over again...
No one's stupider than me.
I'm the dumbest person alive.
Want to know why?
It's all because of you.
Damn you.
I want to hurt you.
Hurt you much.
To have revenge of what you
did to me.
To have my dignity back.
Coz the moment you came
into my life,
You took it all away...
I'll reiterate this,
You have no right.
What the hell.
Who are you anyway?
Who are you to treat me like this?
Who are you to leave
me in this condition?
Who are you to have
my mind and my heart possessed?
****
You don't deserve me.
I'm not worthy of you.
If only I can delete you
from my memory,
I certainly would.
Coz you're a virus in my system.
I can't work normally.
My God.
I don't know why I'm
still hoping.
Damn it, I'm still dreaming.
Wanting to talk to you,
to be with you.
To have you.
The pain you caused me
is incomparable.
But it seems to keep me alive.
What would happen on the day
that you will go?
That cursed day when you're
destined to leave me?
Can I keep my sanity?
Can I still smile?
Can I still live?
****
Will you remember?
Would I stay in your memory?
If there comes a time
that you pass me by,
Would you recognize me?
Would you remember that
once in your life you met me?
Would you still care?
Have you ever cared?!
I didn't expect that
I'll feel this way.
Oh well, I never expected
anything anyway.
I didn't imagine that I'll
desperately do anything.
Anything to make you stay.
But I'm just human.
I have no magical powers.
****
Time is running out,
Oh yes, it is.
If only I can turn back time.
Turn it back three years
form now.
Then I'll destroy the clock.
So the date will not
move anymore.
So I can see you forever.
I am contented with seeing you.
That's all that I'm asking for.

But it's impossible.

I am still loving you.
Shit.
I hate you.

_the12thpoet_

Tubig... Na Naman

Madilim, malamig..
Sigurado ako, maraming
manunulat ngayon
ang naglipana.
Hawak ang bolpen, tangan
ang kwaderno.
Nakatingin sa malayo,
ayaw paistorbo...

Maraming lamok, nangangagat.
Sira ang payong,
di mabuksan.
Basa ang pantalon,
putikan ang tsinelas.
Nakakairita, bagong
linis pa naman...

Sarap matulog, mahiga.
Tamad mag-aral, gumala..
Nababagot, nagsasawa.
Paulit-ulit ang buhay,
nakakasuka.

Umuulan na naman,
lalong nakakalungkot.
Kasabay ng patak ng ulan,
ang patak ng luha ko.
Pano ba ako makakalimot?!

Kung sanang ang pag-ibig
ay kagaya ng ulan,
Kahit ano'ng mangyari,
may katapusan.
Kung sanang maibebenta
lang ang ulan at luha,
Eh di sana, ang yaman ko na...

_the 12th poet_